Hey! Long Time No See....

So it's been awhile since I've written here. I'm not really sure why. Life has been....Well life has been up and down. So it's been life I suppose. God's been teaching a lot of things lately. He's been teaching me patience, which I am horrible at learning. I've been learning that my plans are not always His plans, though His always turn out better. I've been learning that He desires me to content with where I am, even if I'm not happy with that place. That's right. Contentment is a choice; happiness is an emotional state of being. Please notice these are all what I've been learning. Not what I have learned, but what I've been (and continue to) learn.

I'm still working on being happy in my own skin. For me, it's a more difficult thing than I thought. I gained some weight from emotional eating this past year after my dad died. But considering it could have been a trigger for me, as someone pointed out, I'm almost ok with it. I'd almost rather have to lose weight than be sick skinny again. Notice I said almost. It's always been a struggle for me.

This is another thing God has been teaching me. Depending on Him for everything INCLUDING how I feel about my body and how I eat.

Ga so much to learn. It's a good thing God is continuously patient with me.

Four Day Weekends are the Way to go!

So Monday is Labor Day. Naturally classes are cancelled (I've still never understood this...I feel like it is opposite to it's name..like we should be working HARDER on labor day. But it's a day off, so I will not complain!)

And a great professor of mine cancelled the only class I had today.

Which means four day weekend for me!

I'm pretty excited about it. I'm going  back home to see my mom and sister. My little sis has her first football game of her senior year tonight. (She's in colorguard) So I'm going to go support her. I can't believe that she's so old already. Makes ME feel old!

So before I head off to go see me lovely family, I'm going to go run (I'm thinking 8 miles today) It's quite lovely outside, so I might even get to do it outside. That would be great!

Anybody else doing anything fun this weekend?

Half-way through!

This week has been SO long. Ok, really I've just had two really long days in a row.

Monday- class from 9-5. Then a meeting at 5 about rotations this summer. Then another meeting from 7-9 for one of my classes. Then I got to FINALLY go back to my room. Plus this day I had a really difficult class that takes alot of mental capacity from 2-5. Which made the day THAT much longer...

Tuesday- Started at 6:30-Workout, Class from 9-12:05, Lunch meeting from 12:15-1:30. Then went back to my hall to set up for a party we had for our residents yesterday (which was super fun. We made shower shoes. They are a NECESSITY in a dorm!) Then was at the party from 2-6. Worked at the desk from 6-8. Went to church from 8-9:30. Went and finished my workout at 9:45-10:15. went and got food, since I hadn't had time to eat dinner yet. Then went down to work from 12-2AM. Yes it's a shift that sucks. But I only have to do it once a week, so it's not horrible. usually.

So after 5 wonderful hours of sleep, I got up to begin yet another day. more class. another meeting. And I'm currently working at the desk. I'm about to go on a Sonic Date with one of my friends (gotta love happy hour!) and then I have class from 3-5. And then I'll be hitting up the wellness center again.

Oh and I should probably study at some point. It probably wouldn't be so good if I failed all my classes this semester ;)

Did I mention I'm a little tired?

In spite of all of the things going on in my life right now though, I feel very content and joyful. I know the only possible way this can happen is that God is just fueling His joy into my life right now. And I'm SO thankful for it because
1) it's so much more pleasant to be happy and do all these things than to be in a crappy mood and have to do them!
2) I don't have the energy to be happy. Just don't have it. So I'm thankful that He's fueling me!

When is the last time that you felt joyful/content?

Have a lovely day!

When is your best time to workout?

So when I initially lost a lot of my weight (my senior year in high school- I lost between 60-80 lbs) I got up every morning and went to the gym for at least 30 mins before school started. And then I usually went back to do some more in the afternoons. These two a days were great cause I could push myself for a short period of time and then do it again later. And as much as I complained about being tired, I loved getting up and working out in the mornings.

When I got to college, it became and OBSESSIVE thing. Even when I had 8'oclock classes and hadn't gotten to bed before one, I would MAKE myself go workout at 6 AM. Even though my body obviously did not want to. In those days, I was not very nice to my body (sorry body... I'm working on it!)

But now a days I've gotten "lazy" in my book. But Monday and Today, I've gotten up and done some cardio before class. And I really love it. I love starting my day with energy! And then I go back and finish up later in the afternoon. I'm so glad we have a great wellness center like 5 minutes from me on campus!

But some days I don't have time to do it in the mornings.. like tonight I have to work as an RA at the front desk from 12AM-2AM. And then have class at 9AM. getting up at 6:30  to workout for an hour is probably noottt going to happen.. But I have time to do in the evening. So I'll still get it done, but I won't get to do it real early. So I must pose the question...

When do you work out? Why do you workout then? How do you work your schedule around it?

Let's Start at the Very Beginning...

Ok, so.... I have been absent from here for quite sometime.
I'm not even sure anyone still read this.
That's ok with me, cause I'm not doing it for others, I'm doing it for me.
But I do still hope you're reading!

So, when I first started to write here, it was mainly focused on my eating and exercising (which I still do. usually) If you're just joining me, I had an eating disorder my freshman year of college. To keep a SUPER long story short(ish) I was bulimic my first semester which turned into anorexia and extreme amount of time in the gym my 2nd semester. I've looked at pictures from then and I really did look sick. I'm sorry, but bones sticking out of my elbows...it's just NOT attractive. I'm sad to think that it once was. The mind of that girl was very lost indeed.

Thankfully, I have a lot of people who love me, mainly my parents and an RA, that helped to me get counseling and get things back together. I made a deal with my mom to gain weight before I went back to school. Unfortunately, I didn't really ever STOP gaining weight :( So now I'm trying to get that under control and get back to a size that I feel healthy at. Not skinny. Healthy.

That was where I started at. But now I have decided to share more of my life on this blog as well. I've been through some life changing things in the past year, and I have a lot of idea/thought/emotions streaming through my head. And I'd love to share them with you all if you'd like to listen!

I know that blogs can really turn into a community of support and ya'll are great listeners, so I hope I can come into the community as I muddle through this life I'm living...

All the while, I'm trying to learn how to be happy in my own beautiful skin :)

ps- there's an AWESOME giveaway at http://www.goalsfortheweek.com. Check her out!

FOOTBALL!

So my college's first football game is TONIGHT! let's hear it for school spirit! I go to a small school ( like 5000 students on campus) so it won't be super crazy, but I think it will be fun! I'm excited!

So there is a lot that has happened in my life since I wrote like MONTHS ago... I got a job as an RA at school and I absolutely love it! I love being able to focus on other people and other's problems. It's not that I don't deal with mine, I just don't like to dwell on my problems! And this is a great outlet because I can't this way! I have too much going on with everyone else! I really feel like it's helping me to better channel my body image issues, because I just don't focus on it. I focus my energy on building others up. And surprisingly, I'm much happier. And still the same (maybe even a little bigger..gasp!) weight. Funny how that works..happiness is NOT actually the number on my scale but dependent on others. Great lesson I've learned!

OK off work and off to the game! Go Dawgs!

Why?

Do you ever wonder why we do what we do? I mean really, I have two choices right now. I can get up outta my chair and go for a nice run, or i can stay right here an curl up and not do A THING. and you know what? the latter sounds really nice right now. I think it's just that I WISH I could be one of those people that could look good without having to workout all the time... although let's face it, I do work out all the time and I STILL DON'T LOOK LIKE THEM.  Life is unfair. But that's another post.....

Ok fine, I'm going to go do something healthy for my body and go for a run. Hopefully I'll run this negative attitude right off, and I'll be productive when I get back... but don't hold you're breath or anything...

Howdy!

Hey there anyone and everyone who is still reading! I'm so so sorry that I have a been super sporadic with my posting. A lot of things (positive and negative) have been going on in my life lately! I will be letting you know about them is the near future, so I hope that you will tune back in!

to start off- Positive- I got a wonderful job being an RA in my hall, which I'm SUPER WAY excited about.

Negative- We have a meeting right now for the girls, so I have to get off here and go do that!

More soon!

-Meghan

Wowza...where have I been?!

Hey guys! If you've been wondering where I've been.. well I've been all around and busy! and I guess you could say a little lax with my posting. This summer has been super busy and filled to the brim!

First I house sat for a few weeks. Great cause I was NOT ready to move back in with my parents. I had to anyways. Fights ensued. It's just hard to move back in with them when I'm used to living without them! But hey you can't beat free rent for the summer, so I'll deal.

I did a rotation for school at a "nearby" hospital. I say nearby because  that's what my school said. In all actuality, it took 45-60 mins to get there each morning and the same time to get back. But it was a wonderful experience. I'm pretty sure that I want to do hospital pharmacy now. Like 95% sure.

Then we took a family vacation to Orlando. We went to Universal and Epcot. And of course we hit HARRY POTTER WORLD. Shut up, I know I'm a huge nerd, but it was SO much fun! Unfortunately, my mom and I had some fights about my body while we were there, which threw a few sour notes into the trip. It was mainly my fault, but I just needed someone to help me deal with it. And sometimes, God bless her, my mother just does not know how to deal with my emotions! (Granted they are pretty fierce... I'm not sure how anyone can deal with them!)

My body stuff was just me feeling super uncomfortable in my body. I'm about 10-15 pound over what I feel "comfortable" with. I've been trying this summer to get the scale down, but it just won't budge! I've finally realized that it's a "god" that I had. If all I'm doing is focusing on that, how can I be atune to those needs and people around me? So I've just given it to God. And I really have felt better about it. Not 100% of the time of course. and not always great about it. But I'm beautiful and strong for who I am and who God made me to be. So when I can't see that beauty on the outside, I have to remember that and cling to it.

After Orlando, I headed off to a mission trip with my church from college. It was a great week and super stretching. It's so funny, I went with no expectations at all cause I had no IDEA what God would teach me. And He totally just opened me up and brought out all these things that I would have never guessed I would've learned on a mission trip. Like how I need to be dependent on Him for all things, that I've been looking at and making exceptions for the complete wrong kinds of guys. That He has a plan, and even though I hate waiting, His plan will be worth waiting for. I learned that even though the journey is long, He puts us through that long hard journey because of all the lessons we learn on it. Yes it's hard and sucks sometimes, but He's concerned with how we grow closer to Him through those times.

As you can see, I've had a full summer! But it has been good! Stretching, and not AT ALL what I thought it would be like, but good none the less!

Sorry I'm BACK!

Sorry I've been gone for SOOO long. With school, work and everything else, it's been BUSY!

So here's what's been up.

-School. It is almost over for the semester, thank you LORD! I've already taken 2 finals and have 2 to go (both of which are on Tuesday...awesome....) It's been such a long semester.

-My dad had been in and out of the hospital, which had been stressful to say the least. He's been out for awhile, but still recovering. *sigh*

-Ran my first marathon. it's official, I'm addicted! it was easily the best thing I've did the month of April. It was so awesome, I really can't even describe it! My time was 2:20, which some people tell me is a good time. I'm just happy I finished! I can't wait til me next one!

- I'm still struggling with my weight and body image stuff. My weight has not gone down ANY since I started running/training. It's so FRUSTRATING! ga. I'm thinking I'm going to wait to change stuff til after finals are over. Then take inventory and see what I need to do/change.

I hope you all are doing well! I've been reading, and it seems like you have been! Happy May!