Busy Busy Week...

So this week I have a pharmaceutics test Monday night, a Blood pressure test Tuesday afternoon, and a Biochem test Wednesday night. I mention that if I don't pass my blood pressure test, I have to take it again next semester... AND PASS WITH A 90?!

All of this makes for a super stressed Meghan. Also, when I get stressed, I tend to let me eating go to crap. I just don't care. I'll eat just so my brain will keep working. I know it's not the best, but I feel like I have to do it. Right now, doing well in school is most important. That's not to say I don't want to be healthy, but if I put on a few pounds in pharmacy school, I shouldn't be so obsessed with it. I mean I don't have access to stellar food ( fried food in the grill and everything is fried in the caf. bleh) and I do work out ALOT but that doesn't seem to help. frustration is setting in. It make me want to give up... GRRRRR

Also, because I'm so stressed, I can't sleep well. like i went to bed at 3 am this morning ( after bf left) and I woke up at like 10 AM. considering this is one of two days of the week I can actually sleep in, that's frustrating. Oh well I guess it gave me some "me" *time this morning, which I'm very grateful for. Promise. Even if I don't sound like it ;)

Please pray for calmness and understanding this week. That I study well, give myself breaks when I need them and that I don't put my body under too much stress (excessive workouts) and that I give it enough food. ( I know that sounds elementary, but I really do have trouble doing it...)

How does school ( or the like stressor) make you feel about your weight? does it make you gain?

Homeade Chocolate Chip Cookies

I am exhausted. all I want to do is eat my weight in homeade chocolate chip cookies they are oh so delicious...but that will not help. I know this. But i still think it would make me (very temporarily) happy.

I so wish I could be one of those people who could just intuitively eat. and not worry about weight gain or loss. I wish I could be that in tune with my body. But I'm not. I work it to the breaking point. I don't know when to stop. I do give it the right food. I don't always give it enough food. I'm rough on it. I'm sorry body. My thinking just has my actions all askew.

Ok well I'll try to write more later ( if anyone even reads this and cares)

I'm off to finish my workout, then go study for my pathophys test, which is tomorrow at 7:30 in the morning (which by the way, is a god-awful time for a test)

if you are reading this, have a great day!

Leave a comment, I'd love to know is someone is actually reading this ;)

Milk is Magical

Do anyone else sometimes feel more inclined to eat when they are sick? Just the fact that I know my body is trying to fight off some invading organism makes me want to eat enough to that I'll have the strength to do just that..yes I am random. I know this

Also I have come to a discovery. Actually a re-discovery... I love milk. and milk products in general...I love milk on my cereal, which I can just not seem to get enough of these days...love love love cereal. and now i remember that i love milk. It's so silly, in the days when i was trying to cut calories out, I saw milk as a beverage with calories. I totally forgot how delicious ( and really very nutritious) it is! mmm so good.. You should go have a nice ice cold glass of it..unless you're lactose intolerant. then you should take some lactaid before you drink it :)

Well I think I'm going to hit the hay. I hope that you all had a fabulous weekend ( and were not sick for the majority of it, like I)

Wishing you a wonderful new week ahead!

I have discoverd blogging...

So this weekend, I was sick. Gross stomach thing. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the stomach for 9 hours....but I'll move on.

This allowed me to sit in bed for all of last night and alot of today. Except when I got up and cleaned my room for 2 hours and did laundry. In doing this, I discovered alot of blogs that I liked reading. Some were about running. Some were about eating. Alot were about both. I found blogs written by lovely ladies that seems to deal with the same things I do. They were refreshing to read.

So thank you ladies, for sharing. I'll keep reading. I hope you read mine :) I promise to be more consistent.

So since I was out of commission, I didn't go work out today. Yesterday, however before this bug hit me, I ran over 6 miles. So yesterday wasn't a total bust.

Since my stomach has been acting funny, I've just had a little bit of cereal, some special k crackers ( i love these things!) and a string cheese stick. Not very good or nutritious. Probably not enough calories. But I don't want to upset my stomach :(

A couple of things I learned in the bloggin world...

-there are A LOT of people that have a weird or strained relationships with food. It is good to know I'm not the only one.

-There are lots of people who can't seem to maintain. hey I'm right there with ya.

-There are lots of people that have the same thoughts that I do. So I don't have to feel like I'm in it all alone.

-We are usually our worst critics.

I have a challenge. For myself, for anyone who's reading this ( I'm not so sure they exist yet)

1.Love my body. It's strong and it gets me through life. I need to embrace it

2.Just because I'm not perfect, does not mean I'm not worth something. I'm priceless. I just need to believe that.

Why yes I AM feeling fat today, thanks for asking..

Question-

So I'm in pharmacy school. I pay them enough money. Then i have to do all these little things ( CPR certification, Blood pressure certification, drug test, background check, etc) Which wouldn't be a huge deal, but each one costs, oh about $50. I'm a college student. I don't just HAVE $50 hanging around.Come on college of pharmacy, use your brain!

and the CPR class was on a Friday night...and was scheduled to last FOUR hours...that's not ok.

(I guess that wasn't a question, so much as a rant)

Anyways, so do you ever just feel fat? I was reading on this blog of another girl that I know. She's trying to lose weight (and doing a good job, if I do say so) but she was commenting on how today she just feels fat. I went to discuss this with another friend, and I came to the conclusion as women, we just DO sometimes. I don't know if guys do to, or if this feeling just helps contribute to them feeling like big manly men.

But with us women, it can REALLY affect our day. Think about it. I get up to go to my 8 oclock class. I'm already tired, and then I go to put my pants on and they feel a little tighter. I think "great" NOT. Then while in class, they seem to really bite into me when I sit. Not fun. Then this influences how I think about and percieve myself all day. Gosh I hate hate HATE fat days. I wish i could just blow them up! Goodness...

Ok my boyfriend is taking me out for our first date in... well in awhile..our first real date anyways :) So I'm gonna go get pretty....

I kinda hope someone is reading this.... ha

As I sit in my new chair, donated to my room by my wonderful boyfriend, I wonder to myself, Why do i like to stay up so late? I'm always so tired and have so much to do. But it seems like night is the only time I can have only to myself. Like I have to stay up just so I have time to unwind. Its crazy

I need to find another outlet. One that doesn't tire me out so much!

Because I have Time to do this?!

Does anyone feel like they always waste more time whenever they have more to do?

Currently, I have a full "to-do" list. But am I staying on schedule? Oh no. Cause if I were, I would be on my way to work out. And, in doing this I inadvertently add MORE stress to my plate...oh what we will do to ourselves!

Ok, new plan. I will finish my lab report and then go workout. And then tackle the growing list of things i must do before my biochem test Thursday ( which really is the peak that I much reach) after that it's all down hill :)

Must get through Friday. Must Find the will to study. Must.DO.It.

Ok off to be productive.

Also random, but hey whatever. That's what this is

My life is not what I necessarily want it to be, but that doesn't mean i can't be happy. To some degree, being happy is a state of mind. Yes it depends on your surroundings, but it also depends on what you chose to do. I need to choose to be happy.

And So It Begins...

So I have noticed that lately, lots of people have been blogging.

I have decided to follow the trend. However, not just because it's a trend. But because I think it could be good for me to express myself in words. And hey I'm an open person, why not let everyone see them?

So it begins, the blog.

Random streaming of my thoughts.

Focus right now goes to being healthy. I want to be healthy. I work out like an hour and a half a day and lets face it, I usually only eat like about 1,000 calories in a day.I should be stick thin right? but this is not so. I actually gained weight last week because I indulged a little. It's so frustrating. I mean I eat less than the recommended amount and work out more, so this should point towards the goal that I want: a smaller figure. But alas, I have not found the right combination for that figure yet.

Here's the bigger issue. We (as women in general) focus so much on the outer appearance. I am healthy. I'm within the normal range. I work out. eat right mostly. But I'm not happy with my self because of unrealistic constraints that I put on myself ( I think society might help with this)

How do we focus on being healthy and happy instead of equating healthy with slender and happy with the ability to fit into a size 6? ( or 4 or whatever it may be for you)

I'm so mad that I let my other accomplishments go by the wayside because I become fixated on being that size or getting to that "goal" weight which may or may not be actually good for me.

Not anymore. Starting TODAY I'm going to be healthy (realistically) and not be so fixated on the world's definition of "healthy" and be more concerned with how my words and interactions affect other people for the better.

Ok I have to go.. leave any thoughts or comments you may have...gracias