snow/ice day

So today school was closed. I slept for 11 hours and it was wonderful.

I then studied for pathophys II, watched some tv with my boy and we had our normal popcorn snack (a bag of 97% fat free kettle corn for me. YUM)

Then went on a SNOW ADVENTURE with some girls from the dorm. We walked to Family dollar to get some marshmallows for our hot drinks. Alas, they were closed because of all the story. Sad Day. Then we trekked to Braum's to see if they had marshmallows. They did either. I got some strawberries and whipped cream instead. And then had 4 strawberries when I returned. They were good, well at least for the middle of winter. I love fruit. I can't wait til summer when fruit is so delish.

I had trouble eating today. I just feel "guilty" for eating whenever I have like no activity for the day. I did talk an hour walk with the girls and did some moderate jumping rope for ~15 mins this morning. So I mean I did move some, just not my normal at least 90 mins in the gym, running or ellipticaling for at least 800 calories. I know I need to stop focusing on THE NUMBER, but it's so hard when that's all everyone can think of.

examples-

"you look good, have you lost weight?" No actually, I've gained 3 pounds. Thanks for reminding me.

BMI- apparently I'm "overweight" thank you for informing me. Regardless of the fact that I workout at LEAST 5 days a week. And NEVER eat over 1200 calories a day. usually right around there, but I don't REMEMBER the last day i ate like 2,000 calories. How, ooh BMI calculator do you suggest I lose weight? I'd like to hear your suggestions...

Not to mention how every other add or pop is this "lose 20 pounds now- no dieting" or try hydroxycut. Way to make me feel inferior.

No I don't have washboard abs. No I don't wear a size 2. but I can run 10- 12 miles in one setting. I can lift heavy things. And I like to think I'm a loving caring person.

HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF ADDS. HOW DARE YOU.

you should not make me feel like I am "less" of a person because I wear and 8 instead of the 6 I used to when I was anorexic/bulimic and worked out for 2+ hours everyday. I was walking death. At least I'm not about to keel over now. I can stand up without feeling light headed.

I'll write a whole post about my past later, but short version would be I weighed 276 as a Jr in high school. I got down 180ish before I went to college (yes 100 lbs in a year) through a good diet (in the beginning) and through throwing up and not eating towards the end.

My eating disorder got really bad in college and I got down to 120 at the end of my freshman year of college. (if you're keep track, that's 150 pounds in 2 years, really almost a year and a half)

Anyways after counseling that summer, I went back to school, gained some weight, got "better" but it's still something that I struggle with EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

And so add to it, since I started off so big and lost it SO fast, I have some skin around my stomach. ONLY my stomach though. It's so frustrating. I feel like I'm a woman that's given birth to twins, not a 20 yr old college student.

And it's really been bothering me lately. just in case you couldn't tell.

But I'm going to try to have a healthy outlook on things. I am healthy, even if my skin doesn't say that.

Thanks if you read all this. You are a trooper.

Have a lovely Friday night.